The Butterflywake!

  

Chapter 4: Closing down, the last exit!

Alice came from a ‘working class’ family, who lived on an estate in Stonebridge Park, and this was one of the toughest estates to tolerate.

Her Jamaican father and Irish mother had married young, and worked hard. But regardless how much they laboured, they struggled to make ends meet and feed a family of ten – seven children, and their grandmother. Her father used to drink excessively and was abusive when he was drunk.

While her mother was a slender woman, she was stronger than one would imagine for her size. She had to be to manage a man of her father’s structure and force.

Alice spent most of her childhood in an array of children’s homes, and with many different foster families, this was the only way her mother could keep her safe from the brutality of her father. He was a very troubled man.

As a child, Alice was separated from her brothers and sisters; and therefore, her childhood was fragmented. She spent many years working through her bitter-sweet past until she reached absolution.

This is the reason why she studied social care and became a social worker, she realised that she had become a wounded helper, someone who wanted to heal others as she had been healed herself. She believes that she would not have reached this point if there had not been other’s who listened to her and understood, who had healed their own wounds, just as she had done.

Alice arrived at the flat in Islington and letting out a deep sigh she walked towards the front door of the ground flat where Monica and Alice lived. She braced herself as she knocked on the door and waited.

She heard a small voice coming from inside the flat, eventually the door was opened by a bedraggled Monica who looked shattered.

Alice entered the flat and found her usual chair in the sitting room, before she could say a word Monica broke down, and for the next hour she let out those years of repressed emotions.

Finally, she accepted that she needed help!

They spent the next hour discussing what the options were and decided that the best solution was for Monica to go into treatment, and Sophia to go into care for the length of the treatment programme.

Alice said she would start making the necessary arrangements, and would stay today until Sophia arrived home from school to support Monica in telling her the news. Sophia put of a brave face for her mother and said that she understood the reasoning behind the decision. However, that night she wept herself to sleep.

It was a painful day, but it was also an optimistic day. Full of sorrow alongside hopefulness, at the end of the day, all three were beyond exhaustion.

What do you want from me?
Expecting indications
Games, won’t play your games
I’ll offer no pity, to carry your shame.
Who is going to take the blame?
I have nothing left
Disappointing disagreements
shall I sit here and watch you mislead me?
With your tales, stories, lies
Is this where our friendship dies?
I’m not cut out for this
Destructive disillusions
I’ve seen it all before, it’s lame
Your new found wildness, I refuse to tame
Look at me, can’t you see, we’re not the same.
What does this really mean?
Everlasting fictional dream
I’ll not be there, to hear you scream
Nor shall I watch, you create a scene
So I ask, what does this actually mean?

Alice sat and ate her breakfast, while watching the news on the television, as a feeling of excitement came over her.

Today, she will go and collect Sophia, and together they will go to collect Monica, as she comes out of the treatment centre. Finishing her breakfast, she hastily finished the rest of her practicalities before she rushing outside and climbing into her car.

She drove off towards the house belonging to the foster family, who had made Sophia a part of their family for the past six months. Alice was pleased with the arrangement because Sophia had seemed really happy living there and had flourished. She was doing well, although a single day did not passed, where she would not miss her mother tremendously.

However, her trips to visit her mother at the treatment centre reinforced her love for her, and she had noticed the changes her mother was accomplishing. This had brought her great relief and joy.

As the car arrived outside the house which had held Sophia in safety for this time, Sophia came running outside to meet Alice. Her excitement had awoken her at six a.m. and she was unable to contain her enthusiasm on this day. So the family had allowed her to sit and wait by the window in the sitting room, but not before she had eaten her breakfast.

There was that much excited chatter between mouthfuls of cereal and the atmosphere had become contagious, eventually the entire family were waiting in the sitting room with her.

She was going to miss them, they had been kind and caring towards her, and she felt very much a part of this special family for a little while. Nevertheless, it was now time for her to return to her mother, the person she loved the most.

Alice opened the passenger’s door and invited Sophia to climb in. I you wanted Sophia to enter into any space, you needed to invite her in as she feared the consequences of entering anywhere uninvited.

Alice realised that Sophia would forever carry her fears and stored memories, her habits and behaviours that kept her safe. And no amount of counselling or therapy would fully rectify ever aspect of the damaged caused in childhood to a child. Alice had her own idiosyncrasies that she had developed as defence mechanisms to protect her from the hurt that those who were meant to protect her had inflicted on her.

They were now a part of her very being and a remainder of how far she had come. Within every negative event there is positive learning to be gained. And sometimes one needs to heal the pain to see the light that shines. There is always hope, yes that was evident today!

The reunion of these two beautiful souls, these two precious beings reunited was a sight that Alice will hold fondly within her heart forever.

The reintegration of mother and child is the most amazing happening and Alice felt privileged to witness this as it occurred.

There stood two people who needed each other so much in a warm embrace and suddenly the world seem to be a different place.

They had both been given another chance, an optimistic and sober opportunity to place the past where it belongs, and look at the further with clarity and hope.

They could start living again and each day they would grow stronger and heal the inner wounds that had prevented them from developing in the past. Today was the day they both shone.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little stars
I so wonder how you are
Up above the sky so high
Spread your wings and learn to fly”

Alice smiled and as the story of the butterfly came to her mind…..

Hidden
in the dark
alone
waiting for the end.
My time
spent concealed
in my cocoon of despair.
Wanting, to feel
the sun
upon my translucent skin.
Brightest colours
big and bold
One day, I’ll begin.
Every caterpillar
has a chance
to be the butterfly.
So I’m told
therefore I wait
in coldest days
till I shall fly.
Until my wings
of gold unfold
I dream of moonbeams in the sky.
The ugly caterpillar
I may be
until my cast does break.
Then I will shine
Yes, I shall be
the butterfly, awake!

The end!

© MedusaMoon 2012